B-Story 2000: "Free Mushy Peas"

"Free mushy peas with every order of pork faggots."
She didn't know what pork faggots were. She didn't want to find out. And as appetizing as smucked-up peas might be to these Brits, Britney would have rather choked on grits day in day out than give em a go. What was she doing in the land of fish and chips? She, a girl who'ss ideal of a square meal was a McDonalds hamburger patti (without the bun--just katsup and pickles). And as for comfort--well, she longed for an orange plastic-coated booth where she could curl up to her Seventeen magazine while listening to some Kenny Rogers.
"Can I take your order, love?"
"I don't know. This menu is just so...so complicated."
"Ri-iiight..." and with that, the waitress turned and walked off slowly.
Britney shut her eyes and sighed.
""Mueseli. I just want some fruit mueseli."
The waitress came back and clamly sat down next to Britney in a hard wooden chair. The both seemed to be waiting for something to happen, but nothing did. What seemed like hours later, both their butts beginning to numb, a bus boy came to theri table and asked if he could take theri order. The waitress didn't hesitate to request a list of the silly-named foods on the menu at the Royal Spoon and Duck. Britney didn't know what to say in the silence that passed, so she sputtered an order for coffee.
"White?"
"No. Brown. With some milk please."
"Riiiiiight" repeated Finnigan several times as he headed for the kitchen. Next to Britney "Flora" (according to her silver-highly-polished name tag), sat completely motionless, staring at the princess Diana porclain plate collection.
"It's a B-story" she told Britney thru mouthfulls of toad in the hole washed down with cold baked beans and pint upon pint of John Smith's.
"Uh...huh?" choked Britney, risking sounding a bit rude, or dumb, or both.
"B-movies, yeah? They were all over the place the year you were born. Well, now it's happening to you, only the resurgance is in B-stories, love, you're not worth the directorial effort of a film. So this is your lot. You're a character in a B-story. It's happened before, it'll happen again. You've heard of the Neil Smith Show?"
"W...well yeah."
"It's nothihng like that. Don't get your hopes up."

Britney dropped 2 fat, squat, meaningless coins down for what was essentially an enormous bol of coffee and left the Royal Bag of Muffins, or whatever it was called. She couldn't keep it straight.